|
| Are Racial Slurs the
Same Thing as Racism?
 | In your opinion, how accurate is this diagram? It makes sense to me that most racial slurs used today are not intended racism, but are used as jokes or as cuss words under duress, spoken by people who would deliberately avoid using or thinking these terms if it meant hatred or racism. It also seems sensible to conclude that a lot of racism is not spoken.
Thoughts? |
In response to this post. |
| | |
| Pondering the question raised: "how do we measure success?"
"We" do not measure success in any particular way. There is no "we" in measuring success. We each measure it differently.
I agree with the usual thought, that money or high-class snobbery are not good measures of success. There is probably no time when a human can say that he or she has truly "arrived," because tangible, quantifiable measures of financial security or mental/physical stability cannot establish any meaningful sense of happy finality in a mortal lifespan. The search for this true "meaning of life" type of success has baffled almost everyone ever.
| |  | Sometimes success is just a matter of telling ourselves we're happy. But not really.
|
But it is wrong to backlash and say that we are all successful so long as we have the right mindset to enjoy. Success, by definition, is not available to everyone. Does that sound mean? It's not mean, nor is it unfair. It is eminently fair. The author of this post is not as successful at accomplishing his goals as he could be, but he has done a fair amount of slacking off in his life, by way of undermining those goals a bit. So he can hardly complain when anyone else seems more successful.
The goal behind redefining success might be to break up some exclusive club that successful people might seem to have. But this conceptual effort fails (irony, anyone?) to make success available to all, and instead makes a joke out of it, and ultimately abolishes "success" altogether. The concept behind "success" suggests effort toward an end, probably involving the necessity to overcome obstacles, and then the ever-important, eventual arrival at that desired end. Do not propose that by aiming for what we already have accomplished, we will be content, and thus successful. You will find that this does not work. Arguably, Vice President Al Gore found that out the hard way in the 1990s when he suggested a way to raise children's test scores. How? Simply making the tests easier, the Nobel Prize winner opined, would address the problem. It proved to be just a suggestion to essentially lower our expectations instead of doing a better job educating and parenting. His idea to shoot lower did not amount to success, just compromise. (And the ensuing Republican backlash against that was even worse.)
While nothing is guaranteed, a life filled with wise and discerning choices (or a life turned around in that direction if initially misspent) will usually lead to an objectively more successful result than a life squandered. In today's self-centered culture, many people are better at congratulating themselves than actually working to better themselves or anyone else around them. We want to believe we're doing well, especially when we're not. We want someone to lie to us and tell us we're succeeding so we don't feel like we're failing. The author's dad, who has scraped together a respectable, low-middle-class level of security for his family on three decades of prayers and sweat, is more successful, dictionary definition, than the twenty-something or thirty-something overgrown male children we see now who flake out on their girlfriends after impregnating them, proceeding to blow all potential child-support money on drugs.
True, some things are relative, but that doesn't mean everything is; success is limitedly relative, but not to the extent that everyone can be successful just by conjuring up a feeling of contentedness, or just doing what makes us happy. If we can all become successful just by thinking we are successful, without striving for a goal and accomplishing it, then success means nothing and might as well become an obsolete concept. This obsolescence or extinction of the concept of success, this new success by simply learning to rename our failures, is unhealthy for any culture and needs to be rethought. | | |
| There sure is a lot of complaining going on right now. Everybody's conjecturing, arguing, presenting reasons why things are the way they are. We've had a little economic scare. The shine on the new presidency has gotten complicated by controversial bailout policies. People get mad at their employers so they blog at work instead of working and then get madder when they get laid off and have to blog from home. They spend money they don't have, then (of course) they can't pay. Then they wonder why businesses are going bottom up and the economy is shaky. It's really a pity. Never since sometime in the mid-90's has it been so hard to afford an SUV. The morality of America is summed up by two words: "self" and "anger." The morality of other parts of the world might include other words, but anger seems to be a more and more common denominator.
Everyone wants you to get angry. Well, anyway, politicians, professors, critics, religious leaders, artists, poets, musicians, movie makers, keynote speakers do. And that's a lot of popular voices.
In the immensely popular and critically acclaimed V for Vendetta story, heroism was protrayed as an angry mob and acts of terrorism in the name of an angry revolution reminiscent of the French or Bolshevic revolutions. In the events of the past decades, young men in the middle east have been increasingly brainwashed with anger and unconditional obedience, to the point of giving their lives to blow up civilians in the name of a deity. Christians in America have been encouraged to be angry and spiteful toward people on whom they have passed judgment, to the extent that some crazies have destroyed property or killed people, despite the fact that none of it falls in line with Jesus' teaching. All of this anger made things worse.
Now, it can be said that anger sometimes makes things better. The indignance of the men and women who fought for American independence drove them to protect the freedoms of the people from the power of the government. The anger of high-minded British men and formerly enslaved African men brought the european slave market to an end. The anger of Gandhi changed the face of civil rights globally. The anger of trade partners worldwide has forced China to at least pretend it is improving its own horrible civil rights record. The anger of environmental activists forced them to become clever and introduce "green" as a viable color not only politically, but in the marketplace, forcing conservatives to admit they haven't been paying enough attention to good stewardship of the earth's resources and environment.
But was it these people's anger, or in the end their ingenuity, that set them apart from others? Was the anger really necessary? Might there have been fewer losses along the way to success?
On Erykah Badu's first installment of her New Amerykah album series, which came out last year, the song "Twinkle" ends with a speech by someone named Saul that typifies the kind of directionless anger that now rises. (A quick internet search revealed nothing about Saul's identity. The author would be grateful for any insight from a reader-in-the-know.) He postulates that his listeners want to be left alone, unharassed in their living rooms, to wait out whatever is wrong with the world.
"Well I'm not going to leave you alone!" he cries, "I want you to get angry! I don't want you to riot, I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to write your senator, because I won't know what to tell you to tell him! I don't know what to do about the recession, and the inflation, and the crime in the street! All I know is that you've got to get mad! You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, DAMN IT! MY LIFE HAS VALUE!'"
Notice, he has no idea what he wants you to do, besides drumming up your indignation. Anger always leads to constructive decision-making, especially in large groups. (The author here pauses to conjure his best sarcastic facial expression.)
So while all these talking heads want you to get angry, turns out they want you to use your anger to further their special interest. Republicans, democrats, pro-lifers, pro-choicers, racial pride groups, environment groups, pro-gun groups, anti-gun groups. But can an angry mob make up for all the sins of a swollen, prideful country? Can it perpetuate the good things that keep us happy to be American, Canadian, Japanese, Brazilian, British, Irish, French, Arab, Persian, Israeli, Ecuadorean, Mexican or whatever the heck you're happy you are?
It appears that everyone is trying really hard to be angry, at least in the States, because it's better than being complacent. But is anger the opposite of complacency? I guess if there really were nothing else we could do, getting angry at someone or something (or nothing) might be the next logical step. But let's face it. We're not really at that point.
Seems like the real opposite to complacency is to implement simple solutions by a lot of individual people. Even a proportionally small spread of the following attitudes would change the face of society, for the better, in a significant way.
So here are some suggestions.
Our Debt is the Economy, so Stop Pissing Into the Wind.
Stop spending money you don't have.
Start living within your means.
Stop being trendy if it costs money. Invest in things that will last.
Stop voting for people who spend and print money that doesn't exist. Instead, detest waste, demand efficiency.
A culture that demands the government serve us - or get fired - will change a lot of things. Duh.
Unconditionally* avoid personal debt, and stop voting for social debt.
(*i.e., no matter what either of them is buying.)
(Whenever we become more prosperous than we can afford,
We'll pay for it with our jobs, retirement, happiness, peace of mind and even our freedom.
What good is medical progress if individuals can't afford it and become slaves trying to get it?
How much better do you think we'd be doing if a third of our money wasn't going to a government
That props up failing banks, inefficient government agencies and medical research our insurance won't cover?
Our economy has been running on IOU's that none of us can actually pay off.
When the bubble bursts, it seems smart not to rebuild on another bubble.)
Stop blaming the banks, lenders and the government. Start taking responsibility for your money mismanagement.
If each of us did this, the economy problem might just go away.
Stop letting
rich people
define fashion.
Be frugal & savvy; take pride in it,
and teach others.
Stop taking out loans for new cars. Buy (and own!) a car that won't devalue the first second you drive it.
Stop spending your time and money on entertainment and luxuries.
Start spending that time and money on poor people, people who need help.
(If you're already doing this, but you own a luxury car, I don't see how you're doing enough.)
Avoid kitsch. Promote class.
No Act is Random. (Duh.) Be Purposeful.
Stop blaming. Start doing good for individual people. (Stuff on this list would be a good start.)
And if you stop doing good (or ignore this list), don't start blaming it on anyone else.
Stop thinking about how bad your life is (how fat you are, how sad you are, etc.) Make someone else's life better.
Stop demanding that anyone give back; "give-and-take" is just an excuse to stop giving.
Be unconditionally generous.
(You are not what you take, but what you give.)
Self-Oriented Family is Dysfunctional Family, So
Self-Oriented Society is Dysfunctional Society
Stop being self-concerned. It's NOT different from being proud and selfish.
Start being someone you'd want to be around if you weren't you.
Stop gossiping and talking about other people.
Shut your mouth, make it a less destructive place.
Stop affirming yourself.
(No one buys it but you, and let's face it, even you don't buy it.
If you felt great, you wouldn't need to affirm yourself. So do things that are good for you.)
Start affirming others.
(If they don't return the favor, you're probably not doing a good enough job affirming them.)
Stop defaulting to what feels good.
Be wise and sensible,
especially
when it doesn't feel good.
Stop obsessing about what you're getting out of your relationship.
Start doing things to make life better for your significant other.
(Chances are, barring unhealthy relationships, the problems are more your fault than you know.)
Stop assuming
that anyone,
besides you,
will pay for your mistakes.
(We're drowning in our own irresponsibility. )
Resolve to
weigh the consequences
of your decisions, then bear them.
Stop acting like sex is a necessity or some kind of frantic human right. (That's just an excuse for being stupid.)
Start treating sex carefully, like the special (and psychologically dangerous) thing that it is.
If you're not sure what that means, just stop having sex. Seriously. Don't be stupid.
Stop watching movies and listening to music that make you feel otherwise.
Let your passion be controlled by prudence, not vice versa.
Stop acting like the things you do that "don't hurt anyone but yourself" don't affect your loved ones and friends.
("I'm not hurting anyone but myself" is a phrase that translates "I'm a jerk, and I'm pushing you away.")
Start acting like faithfulness and character...
(the person you are when no one's looking, or when you're under pressure)
...are vital, because they are.
Stop keeping
a record of wrongs
done against you.
Spend that energy
noting the things people do
for you, or for others,
then credit them for it.
Ignore famous people who can't piece their own lives together.
Start watching and diligently mimicking stable people you know who actually apply some of this stuff.
Don't you dare ever even think about not sacrificing everything for your children.
Start raising your own walking-talking tribute(s) to the thankless sacrifices you're about to start making.
Stop bitching about and to your parents. Think of some things you've always taken for granted, and thank them.
Stop adoring celebrity children.
Spend that energy on those kids in your life.
In Public: it Might be Less Embarrassing if you Were Naked
Stop pretending there's any good reason to be rude. Start treating people with more decency than they deserve.
Stop taking your impatience and disappointments out on innocent bystanders.
Make a stranger's day better, not worse.
(The fact that you're having a bad day is a good enough reason.)
Society & Culture = Your Attitude
Stop demanding your piece of the pie. Start earning it, and serve some up to as many people as you can.
Stop voting that the government do all the things you and your community should be doing yourselves.
Do them yourself.
And next time you say "we should do this,"
"we" better mean yourself,
and maybe the people you're going to recruit,
not anyone else.
Stop treating race and ethnicity like they matter.
Start treating people, every person, like they're the most valuable thing in the world, because they are.
Stop judging people. Honor them like they're better than you, especially if you don't feel like it.
If you're tempted to judge or hate, think about your own shortcomings for a couple minutes.
Stop judging situations. Start trying to sympathize with other peoples' point of view.
Stop treating people according to
who you think they are.
Start treating people according to
who you should be.
Stop saying other people's hatred justifies yours. Love unconditionally; others will eventually note your example.
Stop idealizing violence. Start idealizing kindness.
The National Health Crisis: Thank You for Your Contribution
Stop leaning on coping mechanisms and comfort vices. They keep you weak and foster self-loathing.
Get mentally, physically and spiritually stronger by actually facing difficulty.
Stop eating junk. Commit a month when you don't to eat any meal you didn't prepare. PB&J baby.
Stop getting drunk and high. Drink more water, go outdoors.
Stop stressing. It's not that big of a deal.
(Most of the things you're stressed about today won't matter in five years. But your health will.)
Citizenship: Take Ownership, Dammit.
Stop voting to give more money to the government. Start demanding they stop wasting what they already have.
Stop idealizing politicians. Demand their respect.
Stop trusting the government.
Demand that it trust you.
Shut Up and Just Lend a Hand Already
Stop criticizing those who believe in higher good, even if you don't. Find something good and true and share it.
Stop arguing about abortion. Start helping unwanted kids and unintentional mothers.
Stop arguing about
who to blame
for unemployment.
Try to help someone find a job.
Stop acting like people don't have a right to disagree with you, as horrible as you think that is.
Start respecting the freedom of thought you both share. You don't have to agree.
Stop treating homosexuals like they're less than human.
Affirm their human value regardless of your opinions of their lifestyle. Accept no other version of the truth.
Stop following religious leaders who think judgment or vengeance is our job and not God's.
Do your homework and don't be deceived by evil people who enjoy temporal power and influence.
Stop pushing your sexuality on people, whether you're straight or gay.
Have some dignity and apply the golden rule.
Stop being reasonably unkind. Be unreasonably kind.
Oh, and maybe stop arguing about the origin of mankind, too.
(Assuming you weren't there, anyway. If you witnessed it firsthand, please accept our apologies.)
Instead, start doing something about its direction.
Stop being angry.
Start making sense.
| | |
|
Dear Benman - (and Robin), Introduction:
I get it. You think I'm one of those crusading Creation Science mavericks, secretly trying to brainwash people with my doltish Creationism rhetoric. You saw my critique of peer-review, and assumed that I am a retard who opposes science in favor of religion.
Phew. OK good news: that's not true. You must be so relieved. But while we're on the topic, let's think about you for a minute: who ARE you anyway? And why would you feel comfortable drawing such a huge conclusion about a total stranger, a real person, and then shoving that in that person's face? Your comment was unreasonable, and unnecessarily pissy (vanedave would use a different word, and nominate it for an award, but I like "pissy" better because it alliterates well with "petty").  
| Unlike Dick and Tom, there is nothing petty about internet debates. They're important, pressing, serious, necessary. In fact, national security might be in the balance.
C'mon, for reals guys. The correctness of the whole internet is at stake. I mean, we can't let anyone be wrong, ever. C'mon.
|
Would you apply a similar tact to a stranger in a coffee shop? Would you overhear what a stranger is saying, introduce yourself as a truth warrior, then make all kinds of assertions about his intentions and character? Please don't say yes. Don't even say maybe.
The comment typifies bothersome things about normal arguments, things that become amplified by the semi-anonymity of the internet. I started a mock point-by-point response, but it's too unwieldy and dumb. So instead, along with ongoing posts about music, expect to see regular installments. Elgaberino presents: a miniseries; Science Fu: The Problems with Interweb Arguments. We'll start at the beginning of your comment, but first let's talk a little about:
1. Generalizations
I call your comment "unreasonable" because your knee-jerk response is textbook Converse Fallacy of Accident.
Some people who scrutinize the scientific community are trying to bully people with their Creationist bias.
Gabe also scrutinizes the scientific community.
Therefore, Gabe is bullying people with his Creationist bias.
Think about the implications of this logic. You could just as easily say this:
Some people who scrutinize the scientific community are trying to bully people with their Creationist bias.
Peer-review also scrutinizes the scientific community.
Therefore, peer-review is bullying people with its Creationist bias.
Of course, peer-review is not a Creationist bully. But by your reasoning, they would be. That is a huge mental leap, a generalization allowing you to go from two arguably true premises to a totally false conclusion. Here's another example of the same reasoning.
Some people I knew before named Ben were total turd-eaters.
You are also named Ben.
Therefore, you are a total turd-eater.
See how that doesn't make sense? Now if I knew several guys named Ben, and every single Ben I ever met was a consummate poo-consumer, everyone might give me some grace if my first reaction was, upon seeing your name, to call you a total turd-eater. But it still wouldn't be right or logical, and I would still have to apologize upon finding out that you are not in fact totally an eater of turds.
This is a problem with internet arguments: people feel comfortable making ridiculous generalizations about each other.
The "creationist conspiracy" accusation isn't the only logical leap you made. I'll walk you through them in the weeks to follow. But herein lies my caveat: I am not that interested in having an ongoing debate with you about peer review, for the precise reasons I will continue to blog: interweb arguments stink. As a final word on peer review, it is virtuous to demand that science's "peers" actually "review" (scrutinize) and not just "approve" science's work. History teaches us that it's similarly virtuous to recommend that the everyday man take the same caution. As you will see, I put a lot of time into analyzing what you said, and my response is already mostly written. It's not personal, I'm just using it as blog fuel. But I have no time to keep growing a new debate on every point. That is, unless of course you want to hire me. I wouldn't mind the tedium of internet debating if it paid the bills. But it doesn't, so that's all till:
Next Time,
Episode 2: Antisocial
| | |
| | |  | | She's meaner than Madonna and maybe cuter than Gwen, but can she be more important than either of them? |
MusicWeek
Contents
1. Music Reviews• Animal Collective's disc
• Heavy Rotation
• Lily Allen: Sophomore Slump or Success?
• Quick Reviews
2. Introducing: Gabe's Tapes
For the love of cassettes, a blog.
3. Guest Special: Dave's Blog
Dave: "The Top 10 Albums I Own That Violate My African-American Maleness"
|
MusicReviews
Animal Collective for your Collection,
Lily Allen's Second LP,
and some quick looks.
AlbumReview:
Animal Collective
Merriweather Post Pavilion
by Animal Collective
The problem with writing about good music and generally ignoring bad music? Well, after you've rated a whole bunch of albums 80% or above, and a lot of readers haven't heard any of them, you begin to bring your own credibility into question. So maybe it's just as well that elgaberino's blog had to wait a couple weeks to review Animal Collective's new album, Merriweather Post Pavilion; it gave the other critics time to rack up agreement. The fact stands firm: most music released today sounds like something we've all heard before. In fact, most artists seem to shoot for that. There are exceptions, sure. And one of the most recognizable to music aficionados these days is Animal Collective.
Why?
Simply, the guys in Animal Collective are artists, and are always trying something at once organic, digital, new and catchy. Perhaps the most memorable track on the album is their single, which opens with a galaxy of undulating synthesizer blips that sets and resets a staggering rhythm to which the Collective starts singing. The melody is almost shouted but still melodic, and definitely catchy enough to be remixed for the dance floor or enjoyed in a large concert setting. The lyrics are just odd enough to keep listeners interested, and the repetitive noises, true to Collective form, anesthetize the brain as it acclimates, allowing the melodies, rhythms and harmonies to come through the mess as clearly as though it weren't there.
Not unlike the brain-teasing cover of this album, that's the magic of Animal Collective. People like to listen to this while high, but this reviewer can tell you first-hand that you don't need to be on drugs. Starting start into their music, if you don't know what to expect, you might think you've inadvertently stumbled onto a boring sound installation by a bunch of abstract artists. But that really isn't the end result at all. More than other psychedelia revivalists and indie rock experimentalists, Animal Collective has a unique ability to combine unusual sounds into the fabric of an enjoyable song, its rhythm or harmonics. Their Strawberry Jam made #4 on elgaberino's albums of the year list for 2007. That album had a mesmerizing quality to it, such that repeated listens made it feel as though it must be a one-time thing, stumbling into a backhanded brilliance not likely to be repeated. But some critics clearly feel this album is better than the 2007 offering, and we may not be able to help but agree, as this one repeats and repeats in our collective headphones.
AlbumReview:
Lily Allen
| |  | It's Not Me, It's You | 67% |  |
It's Not Me, It's You
by Lily Allen
MySpace has had it's run. It will continue to be a major player on the internet, but it's not the universal connecting factor it was before it became really expensive for musicians and really annoying for anyone over the age of 15. The rise of Facebook and MMORPG's have changed internet identity beyond where it stood when MySpace reigned supreme. And yet, some bands have managed to use it as the new launching pad that proves not every band has to get on an indie or mainstream label in order to be a star.2005, enter Lily Allen. She was musically talented enough to develop a large following via MySpace, especially considering the grassroots popularity radio culture in the UK. And Allen was smart, smarmy and good looking enough to keep all the attention she was garnering. And why not? Her lyrics were direct and clever, her songs were well-written and well performed, her sound and style were fresh, and she was upbeat right in the face of her searing, breakup-themed songs. She seemed a little bit unstoppable, and her sung advice to her brother to stop substance-abusing lay in stark contrast to the growing cult popularity of American ragamuffin (and now arch-rival) Amy Winehouse. She became an indie darling and an internet craze on both sides of the Atlantic. The first day this author went into Rasputin Records to find her debut album, it was playing over the house speakers, but it was sold off the shelves.
Allen's ska-influenced beat-driven pop remains smart alecky in her new release, but lacks the catchiness. The songs still have that same directness that felt so refreshing in her debut. But Lily's life is clearly not as informed by optimistic spunk as it was four years ago, and that's showing. Her single "The Fear" discusses the pressure of fame and materialism in stark contrast to the huge neediness of the world, and she sounds troubled in several of her songs. Not till the end of the album does she exhibit much of the relationship-oriented songwriting for which she posesses that specially sincere "mean-slash-cute" knack that we haven't seen since Gwen Stefani's No Doubt glory days in the mid-90's. While this is definitely an album by a strong woman and a strong musician, this is not her high point. The good news is, it might be her low point. There is good reason to believe that Lily Allen is capable of much more than this, and we can hope she has many more good albums in her, among which this would hopefully be the mere lesser, unimpressive middle album.
HeavyRotation
Here's what I'm enjoying this week. | |  | |  | |  | |  | Davy
by Coconut Records
Recent release by Jason Schwartzman's band. For fans of indie pop along the lines of the Elected. | Blossom Dearie
by Blossom Dearie
Standards by light-voiced jazz vocalist who passed away February 7, 2009. Cute and spunky, not "easy listening:"
| Toulouse Street
The Doobie Brothers
1972 album that brought us "Listen to the Music" and "Jesus is Just Alright" is a strong disc. Current favorite song: "Mamaloi." | Soft Airplane
by Chad Vangaalen
The Calgary home-recorder and eerie singer's latest LP, as of this writing. Melodic, beat-driven and odd. |
QuickListen
A glance at a few more worthy mentions.
| |  | Dark Was the Night
75% |
|
Dark Was the Night
Various Artists
What: Indie rock super-collaboration for a cure
Sounds Like: Mish-mash of alt-country, psychedelia, blues, indie pop and post-punkWhen a collection of the best and most celebrated indie rock acts of our time link arms for a cause, we all prick up our ears in anticipation. HIV/AIDS is the cause, and the album is this sprawling two-disc set. The lineup truly is impressive, boasting the likes of Arcade Fire, Feist, Bon Iver, Cat Power, The National, Spoon, Iron & Wine, Sufjan Stevens and even elgaberino favorites Yeasayer and Grizzly Bear. Any project that has both The Decemberists and Beirut has to be at least a consideration. The main drawback is that true to compilation benefit albums, most of the acts are not at their best. But really the sloppy second-rate work of heavy hitters like Feist and Justin Vernon is still better than anything you'll be finding on the radio dial.
| | |  | Keep It Hid
83% |
|
Keep It Hid
by Dan Auerbach
What: Black Keys vocalist/guitarist's solo debut
Sounds Like: rough-hewn blues rock, acoustic folk songs, and early 70's classic rockThe Black Keys are, to some, the sole defenders of good old grungy blues rock. They always are playing the blues, and they don't futz around with jams or honkey tonk or big band. There's just Dan Auerbach's mournful growl, his deeply fuzzed electric guitar riffs, and Patrick Carney, slapping the skins with the haphazard snap of a faltering heart. Enter producer Danger Mouse last year, and you get 2008's Attack & Release, which suggested that there was more to Auerbach than a Hendrix impression. Now Dan hits us with his solo album, presumably solo because it doesn't fit the scope of The Black Keys identity. It plays like a charmed folk rock album, one track sincere and acoustic, another hard and riffing, and so on. This is revelatory: not only is Dan Auerbach multidimensional, he's reliably good.
|
Introduction
A blog.
 | There aren't a lot of places on the internet dedicated to writing about cassette tapes. The sheer analog-versus-digital implications are staggering. Introducing GabesTapes.
|
GuestBlog
VaneDave’s “The Top 10 Albums
I Own That Violate My African-
American Maleness”
feat. elgaberino
(note the distinctive
vanedave layout style)
“Alright it's time to get on with life. Today I am posting the first of the reader's choice blogs. The top vote getter. We are going to explore some of the albums I own that get me cracked on the most when my boys go through my stuff. Oh they're bad. Trust me. To help me in this endeavor I have enlisted the help of some friends. Aside from some of my boys who have repeatedly talked crap about me for these albums, I have asked elgaberino, one of xanga's foremost music experts, to help me write this blog. If you guys don't know about gabe's music skills (or for that matter his writing skills), you better get over to his page and start learning. Now let's get started shall we?
10) Radiohead - The Bends
Question: What do millions of poser emo-kids and I have in common?
A: We love Radiohead!
Radiohead is an awesome band. Even some black people know this. I have a friend of who sampled "Exit Music for a Film" on a rap song. That being said, The Bends is just too pale for me not to recognize here. Also it makes the list as a representation of the eight, count em' eight, Radiohead albums I own.
Ask a Black Dude: ( Phil says): "Yo, why the hell do you own so many Radiohead albums? Are you depressed?"
9) Every Album Norah Jones Has Ever Released
Norah is actually pretty cool by most measures. She has done songs with Talib Kweli, Outkast, and Q-Tip, just to name a few. However I must lose some man points for owning every one of her albums, and wanting to name my daughter (when I have one) after her.
Ask a Black Dude ( Patrick Says): "Dave you's a real bitch sometimes."
8) Blues Traveller - Four
Well as you can tell by the name of the band, it's blues so it's not so bad. And anyone who has ever heard them can't deny they've got some soul. Still these guysare pretty damn white.
 Gabe's Take: There's nothing so particularly paleface as a 90's alternative rock band masquerading around as a blues act. Among their work, no album is better known, or more widely available on cassette in thrift stores, than Four. But they're usually more appreciated by the "acoustic-guitars and coffee shops" crowd, not the "big beats and apple-bottom jeans" crowd.
7) Diana Krall - Love Scenes
Diana is actually not that bad. She is a Jazz singer with a smooth sultry voice. Then again let's examine this further..
Gabe 's Take: She's got that air of a blond New York career girl who grew up and stumbled into fame as a recording lite jazz vocals. She's also from the northern wooded lands to which white people always threaten to escape: Canada. She's famously married to pale snob musician Elvis Costello, who has never been able to decide whether he wants to look like an urbane hipster or a mob movie snitch. Either way, there's nothing very "hood" about either of these characters, and nothing more decidedly "white suburban mom" than an elevator music vocalist's collection of love ballads.
6) Daughtry - Daughtry
If there is any, and I mean any American Idol album it is accebtable for a "brotha" to own, this is certainly not it. Ruben Studdard is the only semi-acceptable one.
Ask a Black Dude ( Winston says): "You actually own this album?!!! Man, you almost as white as Randy Jackson right about now."
5) Katie Melua - Call Off the Search
Wow. Now we're getting down to the real embarassing stuff. I'll let Gabe take this one.
Gabe's Take: Katie Melua is a Georgia born singer. Why does that matter? Because she was born in the Georgia of khatchapuri and lobio, not the Georgia of black eyed peas and collard greens. An eastern European who grew up in Ireland, who makes a living being a girly bohemian singer in Europe, who doesn't even know much fame in the states, might even cause Carlton Banks to bring your "blackness" into question. Even if that weren't the case, consider your man-card suspended for listening to an artist whose main audience in America came from appearances in the Miss Potter (the Beatrix Potter biopic) and Nancy Drew soundtracks.
4) The Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die
Now you may be confused right now, so let me explain. Of course this album is one of the greatest albums in Hip Hop history, so it's "blackness" goes without saying. The problem is that I own the clean version of the album. This is a MAJOR VIOLATION! I bought the clean version by accident, and never bothered to get the Explicit one. This pisses my boys off to no extent.
Ask a Black Dude ( My boy Jamel) - "Wait a minute something's wrong. We have been listening to this album for ten minutes and I haven't heard him say bitch once! What the fuck? This is the clean version. That's a bitch move Dave. A real bitch move."
3) Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians - Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars
This one would be on top, but it is a sentimental fave of mine. Still it's off the charts as far as how embarassing it is. No black person I know has ever heard of these people.
Gabe's Take: Edie Brickell is a Texas white chick who helped start the rash of patchouli-smelling power-woman singer/songwriters that plagued the whole decade of the 90's and still propels the limp careers of Alanis and Jewel. How did she help to initiate this? By releasing this debut album, which is hardly gangsta. The only thing she's shooting are the stars. With rubber bands. In short, this is the kind of stuff middle aged white hippie women eat up.
2) Sisqo - Enter the Dragon
The hit single from this album is the Thong Song. Nuff' said.'
Ask a Black Dude ( MyxlDove says): If I never hear The Thong Song again, it'll be too soon. As a black man, back in the day he was bad for business... guilt by association. Non-black women asking if I like thongs and such.
1) Sheryl Crow - Tuesday Night Music Club
What? Why are you looking at me that way. I liked this album okay? Deal with it!
Gabe' Take: Dave, do you know why you've been pulled you over sir? No, not because you're black. Not even because you're a black dude listening to countrified girl pop by the ex-girlfriend of a Tour de France champion. No. Today your man-card is officially revoked indefinitely, not for the Edie or Katie albums, but for owning and listening to a Sheryl Crow disc on purpose. There is simply no explanation, no excuse that can get you out of this one, sir. If all you wanna do is have some fun, and soak up the sun, I got a feeling you're the only one. At least, the only self-respecting black male one.
Honorable/Dishonorable Mention
Basia - Time and Tide
Coldplay - Parachutes/ A Rush of Blood to the Head
John Mayer - Heavier Things
Alanis Morisette - MTV Unplugged ”
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